You Might Be A Redneck If...

LOL love the cursor...*wiping tears*

Redneck Medical Terms

Artery - The study of paintings.
Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria.
Barium - What doctors do when patients die.
Benign - What you be after you be eight.
Catscan - Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize - Made eye contact with her.
Cesarean Section - A neighborhood in Rome.
Colic - A sheep dog.
Coma - A punctuation mark.
D&C - Where Washington is.
Dilate - To live long.
Enema - Not a friend.
Fester - Quicker than someone else.
Fibula - A small lie.
Genital - Non-Jewish person.
G.I.Series - World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail - What you hang your coat on.
Impotent - Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff - A Doctor's cane.
Morbid - A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates - Cheaper than day rates.
Node - I knew it.
Outpatient -A person who has fainted.
Ovaries - You get to try again.
Pap Smear - A fatherhood test.
Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative - A letter carrier.
Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery.
Rectum - Pretty near killed him.
Secretion - Hiding something.
Seizure - Roman emperor.
Tablet - A small table.
Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor - More than one.
Urine - Opposite of you're out.
Varicose -Near by/close by.

"I Love You" in 10 different languages"


English..... I Love You
Spanish..... Te Amo
French...... Je T'aime
German...... Ich Liebe Dich
Japanese.... Ai Shite Imasu
Italian..... Ti Amo
Chinese..... Wo Ai Ni
Eskimo...... Nagligivaget
Hawaiian.... Aloha Wau la Oe
Redneck..... Nice Tits

A farmer in his pickup truck in Alabama was driving across a bridge when he noticed a man standing on the rail of the bridge ready to jump to his death in the river below. The man stopped his truck ran up to the man and said, 'Hey fellow, why are you doing this?'

The man replied, 'Well, I have nothing to live for.'

The Alabama man replied, 'Well, think of your wife and children!'
The jumper replied, 'I have no wife or children.'

The Alabama man then said, 'Well, then think of your mother and father!'
The man replied, 'Mom and Dad passed on many years back.'

The Alabama man then said, 'Well, think of General Robert E. Lee!'
The would-be jumper replied, 'Who?'

With that the Alabama man said, 'Jump, you stupid Yankee, jump'

*ROTF*......really like the love ones..especially the last hahahahha

OMGAWD Roger I CAN'T catch my breath from laughing so hard!!!
I love this
You think genitalia is an Italian airline.
Or Ovaries...chance to do it over HAHAHAHA
I have to send the medical terms to a Dr. friend of mine 'He'll love em!!!

Two stupid farmers had this mule that was a very hard worker. The only problem was every time they went to put the mule back in his stall, his ears would brush the top of the entrance and then the old mule would go nuts and kick everything.

One day, the farmers decided to cut a opening in the top to prevent this from happening. While they were working, a neighbor stopped by and asked what they were doing, so they explained the problem. The neighbor suggested that they could save a lot of work and time if they simply took a shovel and dug the entrance down a little bit. The farmers thanked their neighbor and he drove off.

Then the one farmer said to the other, 'Some stupid neighbor we have, it's not his feet that's too long, it's his ears!'

One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Buds. The passenger, Bubba, said, "Looky thar up ahead Earl. It's a po-leece roadblock. We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"

"Don't worry Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat."

"What fer?" asked Bubba.

"Just let me do the talking, okay?" said Earl.

They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "Have you boys been drinking?" "No sir." said Earl. "We're on the patch."

IF BILL GATES WAS A REDNECK

1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders

2. Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle

3. Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with a heftybag

4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of Ahh-ight or Naaaaa

5. Instead of ta-da the opening sound would be dueling banjos

6. The Recycle Bin in Winders'95 would be an outhouse

7. Whenever you pulled up the sound player you'd hear a digitized drunk redneck yelling Feebird!

8. Instead of Start Me Up the Winders'95 theme song would be Achy-Braky Heart

9. PowerPoint would be named ParPawnt

10. Microsoft's programming tools would be Vishul Basic and Vishul C++

11. Winders'95 logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag

12. New Shutdown wav: Y'all come back now, Yah hear?

13. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz"

14. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am

15. Microsoft Office replaced with Micrasawft Henhouse

16. Four words: Daisy Duke Screen Saver

17. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire...

18. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor Pull Simulator

19. Microsoft CEO: Bubba Gates

You Might Be a redneck...

You think Sherlock Holmes is a housing project down in Biloxi.

You think a stock tip is advice on worming' your hogs.

You think TACO BELL is the Mexican Phone Company

Your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back.

You think Possum is "The Other White Meat"

You think a quarter horse is a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.

You think safe sex is a padded headboard.

You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

Your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.

The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors

Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."

You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph.

The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

Your high school basketball game got rained out.